Men are the funniest creatures. I've been keeping notes in my head on the funny things that Todd does and when I share them with someone else, more often than not they said "oh my gosh, yes! [husband/boyfriend] does the same thing!"
First and foremost, men love to buy in bulk. I don't know what it is about that 75 roll pack of toilet paper that sucks them in but if you ask a man to go to the store for any paper product, he's guaranteed to return with a 6 month supply. Don't men realize how hard it is to find a place to hide 45 rolls of paper towels?! On Thanksgiving, I made a rookie mistake and ran out of butter as I was making the mashed potatoes. I asked Todd to run to Walgreens and get some more. He came back with four boxes of butter. Four. That's 16 sticks of butter.
Men love to weigh themselves at the grocery store. Publix (if you don't have Publix, I'm truly sorry for you.) has a huge scale right when you walk in and it is rarely without a man on it. There is no amount of money (okay, maybe that Powerball) that you could pay me to get on that Alice In Wonderland-sized scale in front of everyone and considering I can't remember the last time I saw a woman on it, I know I'm not alone in this.
Men cannot use a bathroom sink without splashing water all over the mirror. What exactly are you doing in there that causes water droplets to be sprayed 3 feet across the mirror?
Men are blissfully ignorant when it comes to things of the kitchen. I'm not saying men can't cook. The last time Todd helped me unload the dishwasher, there were Tupperware lids in the baking cabinet. Or if you ask them to sweep the floor? They have no clue where the broom it. I think it's a cover. I don't believe for a second that you haven't seen the broom in the little space between the fridge and the cabinet and have never seen me pull it out of that very spot. I'm on to you! The other day I was checking out at Target and the cashier (male) in the aisle next to me was blown away by a carton of six eggs. "Oh my gosh, I didn't know you could buy six eggs! That's cool!" The poor girl he was talking to just stood there and stared at him. Speechless, I'm sure. But then again, why buy 6 eggs when you can buy 30!?!
Men never put a new trashbag in the garbage can after they take it out. I love when Todd takes out the trash, I really do. But it's almost comical that he walks back inside and right past the trashcan lid on the floor and into the other room. Your job is not done!
Men always have a full tank of gas. I actually wish I could pick up this habit but it goes against my womanly ways to have more than 1/2 tank of gas in my car at any time. Todd's car is never below 3/4 tank. I'm pretty sure he learned this from his dad (who can tell you the gas price at every station within a 2 hours radius). I don't know what I hate more- standing there pumping a full tank of gas or paying $100 to do so. Todd is almost neurotic about it. If it's "getting low", he has to stop. And here I am over in the passenger seat thinking, "You could drive for 3 more days on that!".
Obviously all meant in jest. But am I right?