Thursday, November 29, 2012

Men.

Men are the funniest creatures.  I've been keeping notes in my head on the funny things that Todd does and when I share them with someone else, more often than not they said "oh my gosh, yes! [husband/boyfriend] does the same thing!"

First and foremost, men love to buy in bulk.  I don't know what it is about that 75 roll pack of toilet paper that sucks them in but if you ask a man to go to the store for any paper product, he's guaranteed to return with a 6 month supply.  Don't men realize how hard it is to find a place to hide 45 rolls of paper towels?! On Thanksgiving, I made a rookie mistake and ran out of butter as I was making the mashed potatoes.  I asked Todd to run to Walgreens and get some more.  He came back with four boxes of butter.  Four.  That's 16 sticks of butter.

Men love to weigh themselves at the grocery store.  Publix (if you don't have Publix, I'm truly sorry for you.) has a huge scale right when you walk in and it is rarely without a man on it.  There is no amount of money (okay, maybe that Powerball) that you could pay me to get on that Alice In Wonderland-sized scale in front of everyone and considering I can't remember the last time I saw a woman on it, I know I'm not alone in this.

Men cannot use a bathroom sink without splashing water all over the mirror.  What exactly are you doing in there that causes water droplets to be sprayed 3 feet across the mirror? 

Men are blissfully ignorant when it comes to things of the kitchen. I'm not saying men can't cook.  The last time Todd helped me unload the dishwasher, there were Tupperware lids in the baking cabinet.  Or if you ask them to sweep the floor?  They have no clue where the broom it.  I think it's a cover.  I don't believe for a second that you haven't seen the broom in the little space between the fridge and the cabinet and have never seen me pull it out of that very spot.  I'm on to you!  The other day I was checking out at Target and the cashier (male) in the aisle next to me was blown away by a carton of six eggs.  "Oh my gosh, I didn't know you could buy six eggs! That's cool!" The poor girl he was talking to just stood there and stared at him.  Speechless, I'm sure.  But then again, why buy 6 eggs when you can buy 30!?!

Men never put a new trashbag in the garbage can after they take it out.  I love when Todd takes out the trash, I really do.  But it's almost comical that he walks back inside and right past the trashcan lid on the floor and into the other room.  Your job is not done!

Men always have a full tank of gas.  I actually wish I could pick up this habit but it goes against my womanly ways to have more than 1/2 tank of gas in my car at any time.  Todd's car is never below 3/4 tank.  I'm pretty sure he learned this from his dad (who can tell you the gas price at every station within a 2 hours radius).  I don't know what I hate more- standing there pumping a full tank of gas or paying $100 to do so.  Todd is almost neurotic about it.  If it's "getting low", he has to stop.  And here I am over in the passenger seat thinking, "You could drive for 3 more days on that!".

Obviously all meant in jest.  But am I right?

29 comments:

  1. YES! This is SO my husband! Are you sure we aren't married to the same guy? tee hee :)

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  2. These are so true. Also, my dad taught me that you get better mileage if your tank is more than 1/2 full so I always did the same thing when I had a car... Maybe that's why Todd does it?

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  3. All are true but the GAS. The Gas tank is a HUGE one here. "Why is your car alway on empty?" Joe asks. My answer is always - always - it's not empty, I have 1/4 tank and 80 miles to empty! :)

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  4. I know they say men can't be trained, but honestly little by little my husband has learned where the broom is, realized he needs to put the trashcan liner back in the trashcan when he takes out the trash, etc. Now, I'm still working on him not asking me EVERY SINGLE time he needs to find something where it is. This can go for milk that's just behind the orange juice as he's standing staring at the fridge or to a random book he had in college 13 years ago. Baby steps...

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  5. I have the opposite problem on the gas tank...hubby has no problem driving all the way down to the last couple drops of gas, lol! Sometimes, it freaks me out. He always reassures me with "We're FINE!"

    Everything else, though, spot on! Men are funny creatures. Mine drives me crazy sometimes, but I love him so much :)

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  6. I am the same way with gas! I don't go below a half tank. I think subconsciously I would rather spend $40/50 than $100. And I hate when the mileage to go range starts dropping.

    Caitlin

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  7. Oh girl I have a list! The gargage bag things is so Tyler... Plus leaving whiskers in the sink + toothpaste. I do like bulk (Sams)but I can't imagine ALL of that TP! One package with 45 rolls is plenty!

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  8. I swear the last 3 came right out of my mouth. Literally last week, Cameron made the six pack of eggs comment! And don't even get me started on the "not knowing where anything is/goes" statements.. :)

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  9. My gawd, what is with men and NOT replacing trash bags or toilet paper rolls? Arrrgggghhh!

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  10. This is SO Lance. Toilet paper & garbage bags....buy in bulk, but never replace. He's the opposite with gas. He'll run a car on fumes. Another thing- when men "clean" a kitchen, they rarely wipe the counters & stove. Plus they leave 1/2 the stuff to "soak". It's really not necessary to soak a water glass. Hehe

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  11. This is SO Lance. Toilet paper & garbage bags....buy in bulk, but never replace. He's the opposite with gas. He'll run a car on fumes. Another thing- when men "clean" a kitchen, they rarely wipe the counters & stove. Plus they leave 1/2 the stuff to "soak". It's really not necessary to soak a water glass. Hehe

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  12. "Men never put a new trashbag in the garbage can after they take it out."

    AMEN TO THAT!

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  13. JUST WAIT until y'all get married!!! Those dumb little thing drive me crazy! I'm not even a very neat person, but the dumbest things...walking around a pair of shoes fifteen times instead of just putting them where they go etc. I've also learned that some of the little things I do can be annoying, but let's not talk about that. ;)

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  14. hahaha some of these are funny! M is so good about pitching in around the house - I have to wear contacts so some household cleaners irritate my eyes. So M does the kitchen and hardwood floors downstairs. He takes out the trash - and sprays the can with Lysol before putting a new bag in. I guess he is a saint?

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  15. I was cracking up over the trash bag thing. Oh, and the "i don't know where to put dishes" is SUCH bull. They totally know. My husband and I have been married (and in the same house) for almost 11 years and he knows damn well where the corningware, mixing bowls, and plates go. He just leaves them on the counter. So frustrating. LOL

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  16. Nailed it. I haven't mastered using the sink without getting water on the mirror, but its mostly because I'm so short and have to stand on my tip toes to bend over when washing my face and my counter is tiny. Thats way more than you wanted to know, sorry.

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  17. I literally just walked in the door and was pleased to see he took the trash out only to find no liners! What?! Men!

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  18. Oh my gosh my boyfriend is the complete opposite. He will buy the smallest amount of something so I have to go out later.. he will barely weigh himself in front of me.. and he has ran out of gas about 5 times since I've known him! haha but the kitchen thing.. yep, totally agree!

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  19. Oh my goodness - this is hysterical!! I thought this only happened with my husband :)

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  20. This is so funny! Some of them totally make me think of my husband. I was just wondering the same thing this morning about water on the bathroom sink. :)

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  21. Seriously! You nailed it on the trash bag. What the what is up with that? The sink! So true. We are both terrible about gas. My hubs is terrible about getting anything extra when shopping. He's way too frugal, which is good to a point but then we have to run get something desperately needed at the Sev's (7-11 nickname at Stone Hill Farm) and it is six times the price at the grocery store. Wish we had Publix up here!

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  22. I definitely feel your pain with the trashcan flaw, but I will say my Dad always taught me to fill my tank up once I got to halfway and boy has it stuck! I am okay on long road trips, but in town, my needle does not go past the halfway point while my husband will drive around with his gas light on for two days!

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  23. This is hilarious! Why DO men love buying in bulk so much? I need to pick up the full gas tank habit too... my beau is always filled up and I push the limits sometimes haha

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  24. Oh my gosh, yes, yes and yes!! My boyfriend does so many of these things it's like you've been to our house.

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  25. Too funny! The bathroom sink and the trashbag are my faves - I just don't get it!!

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  26. How funny! I have to confess that my husband and I are the opposites on the gas tank though. I am the one who gets nervous when it gets about half empty. But how many times have I tried to find space for 16 rolls of paper towels...

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  27. Your man. My man. Must.be.related.

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  28. Ah this is SO true! Two of my biggest pet peeves: water all over the bathroom mirror (and the sink/counter/floor - dude, seriously?!) and not replacing the trash bag. Drives. Me. NUTS.

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